Life...

I'm not really dealing with life as well as I'd like these days. This whole divorce thing is sucking a lot. It hurts every time I have to deal with him. And it sets me back alot when that happens too. I finally get to a point where I am semi functional and then he comes along and I regress. It's not my favorite thing ever. I just want this whole thing done and over with. I want to move on.

mother-in-law

Sometimes, I really think my mother-in-law wants to break up my marriage.

She doesn't seem to like me at all.

We went camping this weekend with my mom and dad and sibs and she got all bent out of shape because Mitch can't get the time off work to go to "Cottonwood" (her family's cabin).

Seems like every move I make I'm doing something wrong.

I don't know what to do anymore....

Fw: IMG00057.jpg

So I went shopping yesterday and got some totally awesome shoes! Mitch doesn't like them though. He says they're too fruity, but I totally think they rock! So yeah! That's about it, just wanted to let everyone see my cool! Shoes!

Its a dinglehopper!!!

So last night was pretty funny. Mitch and I were in the living room watching a movie and he picked up a fork and started brushing his hair with it. It was so funny! Then I told him he was using the dinglehopper wrong and he said, "what's a dinglehopper?" So after I explained it to him he tried to convice me he knew how to use the dinglehopper right by saying, "the goose twirled it up in his hair and then poof!" Then I had to explain that scuttle is a seagull not a goose. It was pretty funny though!

Puzzling

I did a puzzle! Well Mitchy helped some, but it was mostly me. XD

stupid microsoft and bill gates and stuff

So I've decided that I hate microsoft. and bill gates. and monopolies! Cause pretty much bill gates has a monopoly on the computer industry and soon people are going to be so reliable on microsoft products that to tear down the us economy totally and completely all a terrorist would have to do is hack into microsofts main frame and steal all our credit card numbers and debit card numbers and account numbers and everything and there goes the economy and it wouldn't surprise me at all if it were bill gates who ended up doing it. its ridiculous that he makes so much money and yet all his products are so expensive. we need to stand up as a nation and tell him to go screw himself we're not paying that much, cause until we do, he's just going to continue charging that much.
freaking lame!

Stupid Computers

So I was sitting in the office working on my story this morning, and my computer totally crashed! I have no clue how to fix it. I was writing some stuff down, and then it just shut off, like if the power had gone out or something. But the monitor and the speakers and the printer were all still on. So I flipped the main power switch in the back to see if that would turn it back on, no luck, I unplugged it and plugged it back in, still nothing! I'm just glad I had saved my story to my jump drive. I wouldn't have been happy if I'd lost it. Hopefully it's something small and easy to fix. Cause I really can't afford a new computer. Well not that I'd need a new one anyway. I still have the laptop. But it's really inconvienient, cause that's where Mitch does his PC gaming. (The hard drive on the laptop isn't big enough for all the games.) So that really blows. Then I was freaking out, cause when I looked at my calendar last night, I could have sworn it said I had to work from 2:30 to 7 today, but then when I looked again this morning, it was blank. I was freaking out bad. But turns out I work 2:30 to 7 tomorrow, and I'm off today. Which is much better anyway. At least until I can figure out how to get rid of my insomnia. I have been up til all hours of the night the last couple days, unable to sleep. I have seriously been going to bed as the sun comes up. Gotta figure out how to quit doing that. Though I must say, I've gotten alot more accomplished this way. I only sleep like 5 hours a night. It's kinda nice. Except for the whole being tired thing. That part sucks. I miss my sleep.

Steph is awesome!

Steph is awesome!
That's all.

We FINALLY! have internet!

So I'm finally on a computer to update my blog and man is it weird! Doing it from my phone for as long as I have, I got used to doing it that way. The computer is much nicer though. It doesn't take as long to type on the keyboard as it does on the phone, even though I have a qwerty keyboard on my phone...

lol..my lil bro always used to type his name in games as qwert. It was so funny. I always think about that when I say something about a qwerty keyboard. lol.

sorry back to the present now. Not a whole lot has happened lately, hence the lack of updates...

Well I guess we did have dinner with my family yesterday, that was fun. I played Rock Band with my dad and sibs, well the younger 2 anyway. Then we had dinner with Mitch's mom tonight and that was kind of fun. Guess that's about it...

Sleep

So its after 3 o'clock in the morning and for some stupid reason I can't sleep...again! Every time I start falling asleep a stupid train goes past and wakes me up again! I don't understand why the train wakes me up tonight when it hasn't any other night since moving into the apartment. Mitch hates that I haven't been sleeping well cause I turn into this crazy psycho when I don't get enough sleep. I guess I could blame him for my lack of sleep too though. After all he does snore really bad. Worse than anyone I've ever known. Though that doesn't generally keep me up either. This is when I miss having internet more than any other time. There's always something to do on the net, unlike anywhere else. especially at the apartment. It is so quiet all the time and I'm always afraid that we're making too much noise. So far I don't think any of the neighbors have complained though. At least if they have, none of the complaints have made it back to us. Anyway, I guess that's all I have for tonight

Wisdom (or lack therof)

Sometimes it really sucks not having any friends. It almost makes me wish I could go back and relive high school. But only if I could take all the knowledge I have now and apply it to my life then. Although really, would things be any better now if I'd done things differently then?
Sometimes, I wish I weren't so shy. Maybe then I'd have friends and not have all the concerns I have now. If I could open up to people and trust that they wouldn't take my trust and shatter it...
When did I become so cynical? Where did my faith in humanity go? Did such faith ever exist to begin with?
All things considered I've lead a pretty good life. Which isn't to say I haven't had my share of problems because I have, but I've always had the strength to get through them. I mean I'd you compare my life to some I've been pretty damn lucky. I had a roof over my head and parents who loved me, which is more than some kids can say. And yet, I'm so distrusting and cynical. So afraid of opening myself up to people. So alone...

Snowing again

So I woke up this morning and looked out the window. Its snowing again! And its April! Something about this is just not right! It should be nice and warm and comfortable outside, instead a stupid snowstorm! The worst part is tomorrow night its supposed to snow again! Stupid weather, and its indecisiveness. I'm so ready for it to be spring and instead I'm stuck in winter.

Don't be alarmed!

Having said what I did in my last post, don't be alarmed. I'm having a bad day, that does not mean I'm suicidal again. Cause I'm not. So don't panic!

Update

So instead of doing the productive thing and getting ready for work, I've been sitting here thinking about all the mistakes I've made. The only conclusion I've come up with so far is that this is not the most productive way to start a day as now I'm feeling somewhat depressed, and pretty upset with myself for wallowing in the past when I know I can't change it. Having said all that, it doesn't change the remorse I feel at having been such an idiot child. Sometimes it feels as though nothing has changed and I'm still making the same mistakes and hurting the people I love.

I'm sorry

The Problem with Being a Pack Rat

So I got moved into my apartment monday, which is very nice, but the downside is there are still a million! boxes to throw away. (Yes, I'm exaggerating but only by a little bit.) See that's the problem with being a packrat. I keep too much junk when I should throw it away to make room for other stuff. Go figure. Amazingly, I have most of my living room, kithen, and dining room unpacked. Still gotta unpack the bedroom and office cause that's where most of the stuff I probably should have thrown away ended up. Which makes it a pain to unpack.

Work sucked far more than usual yesterday cause instead of doing anything productive they had me guard (babysit, same thing) the sidewalk sale in the freaking cold! Lame! Hopefully today someone will have talked some sense into them and they'll wait til it gets warm to do it again. But I am not going to hold my hand over my ass waiting for that to happen.

March 21, 2009

So this is my blog...

We just got done moving all my stuff out of my grandparents house and into their horsetrailer. Not that it matters a whole lot cause we still don't get our apartment til Monday... But at least we're making progress.

Two more days til I can get all my stuff out of boxes :D yay!