Steph is awesome!

Steph is awesome!
That's all.

We FINALLY! have internet!

So I'm finally on a computer to update my blog and man is it weird! Doing it from my phone for as long as I have, I got used to doing it that way. The computer is much nicer though. It doesn't take as long to type on the keyboard as it does on the phone, even though I have a qwerty keyboard on my phone...

lol..my lil bro always used to type his name in games as qwert. It was so funny. I always think about that when I say something about a qwerty keyboard. lol.

sorry back to the present now. Not a whole lot has happened lately, hence the lack of updates...

Well I guess we did have dinner with my family yesterday, that was fun. I played Rock Band with my dad and sibs, well the younger 2 anyway. Then we had dinner with Mitch's mom tonight and that was kind of fun. Guess that's about it...

Sleep

So its after 3 o'clock in the morning and for some stupid reason I can't sleep...again! Every time I start falling asleep a stupid train goes past and wakes me up again! I don't understand why the train wakes me up tonight when it hasn't any other night since moving into the apartment. Mitch hates that I haven't been sleeping well cause I turn into this crazy psycho when I don't get enough sleep. I guess I could blame him for my lack of sleep too though. After all he does snore really bad. Worse than anyone I've ever known. Though that doesn't generally keep me up either. This is when I miss having internet more than any other time. There's always something to do on the net, unlike anywhere else. especially at the apartment. It is so quiet all the time and I'm always afraid that we're making too much noise. So far I don't think any of the neighbors have complained though. At least if they have, none of the complaints have made it back to us. Anyway, I guess that's all I have for tonight

Wisdom (or lack therof)

Sometimes it really sucks not having any friends. It almost makes me wish I could go back and relive high school. But only if I could take all the knowledge I have now and apply it to my life then. Although really, would things be any better now if I'd done things differently then?
Sometimes, I wish I weren't so shy. Maybe then I'd have friends and not have all the concerns I have now. If I could open up to people and trust that they wouldn't take my trust and shatter it...
When did I become so cynical? Where did my faith in humanity go? Did such faith ever exist to begin with?
All things considered I've lead a pretty good life. Which isn't to say I haven't had my share of problems because I have, but I've always had the strength to get through them. I mean I'd you compare my life to some I've been pretty damn lucky. I had a roof over my head and parents who loved me, which is more than some kids can say. And yet, I'm so distrusting and cynical. So afraid of opening myself up to people. So alone...

Snowing again

So I woke up this morning and looked out the window. Its snowing again! And its April! Something about this is just not right! It should be nice and warm and comfortable outside, instead a stupid snowstorm! The worst part is tomorrow night its supposed to snow again! Stupid weather, and its indecisiveness. I'm so ready for it to be spring and instead I'm stuck in winter.

Don't be alarmed!

Having said what I did in my last post, don't be alarmed. I'm having a bad day, that does not mean I'm suicidal again. Cause I'm not. So don't panic!

Update

So instead of doing the productive thing and getting ready for work, I've been sitting here thinking about all the mistakes I've made. The only conclusion I've come up with so far is that this is not the most productive way to start a day as now I'm feeling somewhat depressed, and pretty upset with myself for wallowing in the past when I know I can't change it. Having said all that, it doesn't change the remorse I feel at having been such an idiot child. Sometimes it feels as though nothing has changed and I'm still making the same mistakes and hurting the people I love.

I'm sorry